VARIOUS - Well... Kind of MUSIC too

I stumbled across this My Space site of the actor Matt Berry (The IT Crowd, Dark Place, Mighty Boosh). I've been watching the DVD of his mental TV show 'Snuff Box' and couldn't get the theme tune out of my head for ages.

http://www.myspace.com/mattberrysmusic

I was trying to find where I could get a copy of it and it's available here to download for free! Yaay! It's the song entitled 'Get Here In Time.' If you haven't seen 'Snuffbox' it's well worth a look... though seriously it is mental and full of effin' and jeffin' which is not for the faint of heart.

MUSIC - It's just too heavy for Superman to mend

I've been listening to a lot of Flaming Lips recently... possibly because so many people have been rubbing it about missing the Lips, Mogwai and Oppenhiemer at Belsonic this year. 'Waiting For Superman' is probably my favourite track by them and so that's probably why I picked that one. Yeah, that's just the kind of way I operate.

VARIOUS - CSI Memammy

Now first off I need to say that I'm not actually a fan of CSI. I'm aware of it and I applaud the fact that they're helping pay the bills for the remaining members of The Who (Particularly Pete Townsend who has been slaving over his book for his book deal for quite some time now).

Though having said all that I have to say that Horatio from CSI Miami is one of the greatest TV creations for quite some time. Played by the wonderfully untalented ham fest that is David Caruso... this cartoon captures his appeal brilliantly.

VARIOUS - Vicarious Awards

"David O'Doherty is nominated for Let's Comedy. The judges say: 'Effortless charm with song'. We say: 'When a stand up gig goes this well, you do get a sense of how religions are started." - The Guardian.

D O'D is nominated for this years If.comedy awards which means if he wins (which he should though Kristan Schaal from Flight of The Conchords is in with a shot too) means that our show on the 5th of September will be the hottest comedy ticket in town. Yaay vicariously us!

MUSIC - Late In the Day

Tonight i saw a pub cover band do an actually great version of 'Moving' by Supergrass and it reminded me what a great band they were. I think I had every single they ever released until quite recently and the demise of the CD single. I tried to find the video for moving and instead settled for this gem from there 'In It For The Money' album. Best use of pogo sticks ever.

MUSIC - The First Day With No Rain

For what seems like an eternity Derry has been engulfed in rain, water and depression. Today had a light reprieve and so to celebrate we have an old classic by Blind Melon from about 1993. It's still a great hippy-ish bounce along of a song that should light any ones spirits. Enjoy.

WRITING - Scene from 'Stilted.'

I'm currently redrafting an old script called 'Stilted' to send to my agent whilst I build up the muster to crack on with the new Vespertine episode (also have three other ideas plotted and ready called 'Inches,' Tiny Destiny' and 'Rebound' as well as that film script I really want to write. Anyway this is a snippet from it and a bit I am very much proud of. It's to do with charity collectors and their tactics

TINA:
Excuse me; do you have a moment or two? It’s for a good cause.

DARREN:
Oh Lord…

TINA:
Hi, I’m a very pretty woman and I have very willing eyes… would you like to give all your money to charity?

DARREN:

I’m not sure…

TINA:
It’s a good cause, a simple direct debit and in next to no time midgets in Kwalalumpa will be having the time of their tiny lives…

DARREN:
(Confused) Midgets in…

TINA:
I’m a very pretty woman.

DARREN:
Well, you’re certainly… yes…

TINA:
Would you like to give all your money to charity to try and impress me?

DARREN:
This is very…

TINA:
I have a piercing.

DARREN:
The midgets… in…

TINA:
Kwalalumpa.

DARREN:
Kwalalumpa, yes, what will they get exactly…?

TINA:
A trampoline. I’m a very pretty woman.

DARREN:
But…

TINA:
I can use words like ‘undulating.’

DARREN:
(Turned on) That’s a big word.

TINA:
Would you like to give me all your money? I have a pink bra under my cagoule.

(Pause).

DARREN:
Will… credit card do?

ART - Hockney Go Bang Bang

I was designing a new CD compilation cover and looking for some pics. I stumbled across these ones by David Hockney. I'd used a few of his pieces before and I really like this late sixties style of his. I didn't go for all the ones of young naked men in swimming pools as it didn't necessarily fit the compilation i was making but I thought I'd share a few here.

VARIOUS - A Taste Of Peanuts

This isn't the best example of Charles M Schulz's work but sometimes it just pays to remember how great they can be. This one was the panel of the day on my birthday this year.

MUSIC - Songs for holding people

Okay soppy or sentimental or anything, if you ever want to hold somebody or have somebody hold you then this is the song. It's by Clem Snide's Eef Barzelay and shows just why they're totally with out condition one of my bands.

Open to hugs.

POETRY - Improv On A Drunken Friday

Glasses Raising Questions

My glass raised
No longer shines
From the smile
That was facing

It now faces
A sea of sentiment
When all that was meant
Was a toast to all
You once meant to me

And lips to glass
I drink deep
Fom the emptiness
Of the occasion
And pour myself another
As round two begins

P. Davidson 16/08/08

POETRY - Potato and Rhymes

Poem de terre

I'm not a normal person
whatever that may be
there is something very very vegetable
about me,
this human skin I'm skulking in
it's only there for show,
I'm a potato.
When I told my father
it was something of a blow,
he was hurt
and he called me a dirty so-and-so.
He kicked up a racket
and he grabbed me by the jacket;
I said, 'Daddy will you pack it in
I need you for my father not my foe
Daddy, will you try and help me grow,
won't you love me for my blemishes
and look me in the eye
before one of us is underground
and the other says goodbye?'
And he said 'No'.

When I was a schoolboy
I never knew why
I was so crap at cross-country running
but now I know
why I was so slow.
I'm a potato.

By John Hegley.

MUSIC - Terror Twilight Time

And now we have a bit of Pavement from their last album 'Terror Twilight.' It was produced by Nigel Godrich in his hotter than now phase (just after OK Computer and Beck's Mutations). In typical pavement fashion it sounds like five songs at once but it's so good. Listen to Kathryn Williams or Nickle creek's cover versions for further emphasis.

MOVIES - The Mummy

INDIANA GROANS!

THE MUMMY – TOMB OF THE DRAGON EMPEROR.

Directed by: Rob Cohen.
Starring: Brendan Fraser, Maria Bello, Jet Li, Michelle Yeoh, John Hannah & .
Screenplay by: Alfred Gough & Miles Miller.
Rated: 12A. Running time: 112 mins Distributor: Universal Pictures.

Sequels are very big business in Hollywood. They fall distinctly into two categories. The first is public demand for a further adventure to a hugely successful outing. The other one is when Mr Hollywood flogs a movie franchise for one more glass of milk from the cash cow.

These are films that people haven’t asked for and could quite happily do with out but pop up to grab money before anyone can question the futility of their existence. I’m not sure who out there asked for a new ‘X Files’ movie, I don’t know who was not sleeping impatiently waiting for another ‘Fast and The Furious’ and I particularly don’t know who thought ‘The Mummy’ needed a third return.

Rachel Weisz didn’t think that it was a good idea. After two outings as Evie O’Connell she’s had enough. The departure of one of the main cast usually sounds quite a large death knell. However in a film about reanimating dead flesh we should never count our chickens so easily.

Weisz is gone but in her place and with faux British accent attached is the great Maria Bello (The Cooler, A History of Violence). Unfortunately what seems like one of the few positive things about this re-launch soon becomes one of its biggest flaws. Our two main heroes Rick and Evie just don’t have the same sparkle they first had. Brendan Fraser and Bello just don’t connect in the same way and are hampered some of the worst casting and chronology of recent years. They are quite simply the youngest retired archaeologists we’ve seen. At least Indiana Jones had the decency to look haggard this year before being thrust back into the fray.

Also the O’Connells are still lumbered with the worst thing to ever happen to the series; their child. He was annoying enough to ruin ‘The Mummy Returns’ and now he’s back and even worse! He’s now no longer a simpering English kid but a Matt Damon lite American (i.e. blander than a bag of nothing). He also seems to be about 26 or 27. No wonder Fraser and Bello seem so strained. They must have had a kid together when they were five.

This huge ridiculous flaw undermines an already ridiculous movie. When they then ad to the mix one of the clunkiest scripts I’ve heard in recent years then no one is safe. The plot involves Jet Li’s evil emperor coming back form the dead to raise his terracotta army (that’s right, they’re referred to as a terracotta army like the worlds most evil interior designers).

This film has Michelle Yeoh and Jet Li as its co stars but it still constantly falls for ‘The Mummy’ movies general failing. “Why use they’re real life skill when a tonne of CGI will do the trick instead?” As Jet Li morphs into many stupid creatures you’re reminded of The Rock’s ridiculous transformation at the end of the Scorpion King, one of the worst pieces of CGI the world has ever seen.

The only plus about the Mummy’s latest outing is that it does seem to know when it’s being stupid and pulpy (attack of the yetis anyone?). Unfortunately that doesn’t save a film that’s big on action and spectacle but so slow on brains and logic that you just can’t invest.

And sticking John Hannah in to say something stupid every two minutes doesn’t get you off the hook either.

MARKS: 2/5.

MUSIC - Up Beat and Low Key.

I thought we'd go with upbeat and cute with today's music (that and the Elliott smith video wouldn't embed properly. Oh Elliott, you laugh bundle!). So instead we've got Gary Lightbody and The Reindeer Section, the Scottish indie super goup featuring members of Snow Patrol, Belle & Sebastian, Arab Strap, Idlewild, The Vaselines and Astrid. 'Son Of Evil Reindeer' is still easily the best thing Mr Wobbly head has ever done. Check out 'Grand Parade' or 'Budapest' from it for reasons why.

VARIOUS - Picture Puzzle.

Here is a picture with a hidden coded hidden code that if you get will make you smile, and if you don't you'll probably just have me sanctioned.

VARIOUS - And Now For An Ad Break....

Yup, this is all types of wrong and gaining some notoriety. Well, we all drunkenly talked about for ages last night. At least it's got people talking about Orangina again. I hadn't heard mention of since a primary seven school trip to Paris where it was described as 'like fanta, but pish.'

Watch below and think the following words... 'How? What? Eh?' in that order

VARIOUS - Why Do Movies Suck? (Discuss)

I am still stuck for a movie review this week as... is often the case... all the films currently showing are poo on a stick. Or if not downright poo on a stick then just crushingly mediocre. From pointless retreads (The Mummy 3, The X Files) to bottom shelf kids films (Space Chimps, The Fox and The Child). It's just irritating when you know there's good films on the way (Burn After Reading, Tropic Thunder, Hellboy 2). If anyone wants to write my review this week that's fine by me.

VARIOUS - A Picture Paints A Thousand Words

I'm in the middle of redrafting a number of scripts. As mentioned earlier we have two very big important shows coming up and I've started into them at probably one of the least funny times of recent years. I was thinking of doing something on all the important comedians who have influenced me, also to help reignite any inspiration. Then I saw this picture of Woody Allen and remembered why most comedians get into comedy. It's usually the main focal point of all inspiration.

It all makes some sort of success. Colm Arbuckle, a producer at BBC Radio Foyle, once mentioned to me that the reason man has achieved anything is to get his 'hole.' That then lead to this sketch...



At the moment I just want them to be funny and then I can worry about living... where soul meets body...

See below.

MUSIC - And Your Back In The Room.

Today it's the turn of 'Death Cab For Cutie's 'Where Soul Meets Body'... A great song, video and band and just seems to fit today as my emotions bob up and down like an episode of Jeremy Kyle made out of jelly.

That last bit may have taken away all the sentiment of the first section. I am aware of that now.

POETRY - Just Thinking On Something

I Rely On You

I rely on you
like a Skoda needs suspension
like the aged need a pension
like a trampoline needs tension
like a bungee jump needs apprehension
I rely on you
like a camera needs a shutter
like a gambler needs a flutter
like a golfer needs a putter
like a buttered scone involves some butter
I rely on you
like an acrobat needs ice cool nerve
like a hairpin needs a drastic curve
like an HGV needs endless derv
like an outside left needs a body swerve
I rely on you
like a handyman needs pliers
like an auctioneer needs buyers
like a laundromat needs driers
like The Good Life needed Richard Briers
I rely on you
like a water vole needs water
like a brick outhouse needs mortar
like a lemming to the slaughter
Ryan's just Ryan without his daughter
I rely on you

© H Presley 1994

VARIOUS - Somethings make your soul smile pt 2

Repeat after me... deep breath....
CHHHHAAAAARRRRRRRLLLLIEEEEE MMMMURRRRPPPPHHHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MUSIC - The Best Of Times, The Worst Of Times

Today's song is in tribute to the night I've just had. Definitely a night of extremes and differences. From parties, kids, the past, the future and and a large selection of drinks. My life still springs off in directions I never thought possible. The fact that it's a great song and video must also be taken into account. This song goes out to Radiohead tattoos and fake glasses.

VARIOUS - Far funnier than it has any right to be

Bad words are funny. In a moment of lunacy I found this far funnier than I should have. It's got swear words and badly dubbed ones at that.

VARIOUS - Edinburgh Fever

I hope next year to be able to take the comedy group back to Edinburgh and give the show a proper outing in front of proper people with big faces and heads. In the meantime I have to content myself with the guardian's podcast and hearing about what's hot and what's not.

I checked the local paper and we are not hot, but are day of tepidness must soon be at hand

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/audio/2008/aug/06/edinburgh.comedy.podcast.04

MUSIC - That Kneels Before Zod

This song is on here today just to, well, reassure you... and myself mainly... that even when things are going bad you can have good music and a hug from Terrence Stamp. It's got an opener that legally requires you to have a big grin. If it doesn't work, you are breaking the law and you will be dealt with.

(* the law you will be breaking is Phyllida Law, Mother of Emma Thompson, so be nice!).

POETRY - Part Two.

Cultural Diversity On A Translink Bus.

We're only multicultural
if one of us becomes jaundiced,
our ethnicity exits primarily,
in our compilation Cd's,
and multi channel,
multi coloured remotes.

we are so white we give off a glare,
it's our ability to stare,
like the mild test of the intolerant.

today's example sits three rows forward,
it's the greying hair of a black man
that has captured my attention too long.
Like a piece of exotic wonderment
akin to a bally jumper collecting dust
but different enough
to the paint scratched barnettes
of the standard
greying temple.

and I ponder
whether I'll go to hell
for noticing a difference
and commenting upon it.

VARIOUS - Something's Make Your Soul Smile

Does exactly what it says on the tin.

MUSIC - Your Love Is Standing Next To Me

This song has been stuck in my head for the past three or four weeks. It's not hard to see why. Scott Walker strings? Check. Alex Turner's lyrics? Check. Video by Richard Ayaode (Moss, Dean Learner)? Check.

What's not to love?

REVIEW - The Love Guru

HARD TO LOVE.

THE LOVE GURU

Directed by: Marco Schnabel.
Starring: Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Romany Malco, Verne Troyer, John Oliver & Justin Timberlake.
Screenplay by: Mike Myers & Graham Gordy.
Rated: 12A. Running time: 87mins Distributor: Paramount Pictures.

Oh Mike Myers. How the mighty have fallen... or could that be how the mighty kept doing the same schtick until audiences grew tired of it? After a six year absence of original material Mike Myers is back. Has he reinvigorated his canon to come back with something startlingly new and fresh, you know like when he made his come back with Austin Powers?

No. Not even slightly. The bad accents, the over long improvisation, the weak sex jokes and the assorted midget bashings are all still flailing around for dear life unaware of their tired status. This film has done abysmally bad in America and hopefully will serve as a proper wake up call that his time out seemed to forget to do.

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted ‘The Love Guru’ to be good. I would actually like to watch a genuinely amusing Mike Myers film again (just like recapturing the joy of an early Adam Sandler film). You see in my early teenage years I was quite the Myers fan. He was both a great writer and performer and his opening ‘Wayne’s World’ movies had tonnes of great moments; ‘So I Married an Axe Murderer’ was also a highly quotable delight and his real unsung gem.

Then after a few years away he returned with Austin Powers and never looked back. Two sequels and international fame as Shrek meant that his success was never greater but suddenly the films started getting worse. They started getting crasser and more stupid. This all resulted in ‘The Love Guru’ which is the first bonafide stinker in his repertoire. It tells the tale of the Guru Pitka, an inspirational guru with a penchant for childish rhymes, who travels to Toronto to help reunite a disgruntled hockey player with his wife. That’s the plot minus an over indulgence of fart gags, sex gags and unbelievable romances.

It seemed like not only had he started going for weaker jokes but putting a lot of desperate energy into hammering them home. The distracting elements of the Austin Powers movies have grown in stature film by film (wee jokes, poo jokes, innuendo laden names that really only make 12 year olds giggle).

The accents got worse and the improvisational moments now seem laboured. It’s like Myers is too famous for people to stop him and explain ‘you know… that’s just not funny.’ There are a number of scenes in this film where people giggle and laugh at his silliness and it’s one of the most forced awful things I’ve ever seen. In one scene Jessica Alba turns to him and says mid giggle ‘I haven’t laughed like that in years.’ She really hasn’t and that shows no sign of changing.

It would be nice to see Myers go for something resembling his earlier clever fun stuff (just look at Dr Evil’s speech in the first Austin Powers to see how good he can be). He could do something silly and smart rather than shrill and annoying. The only reason he seemed to want to do this film is so that he could hang out with his favourite hockey team the Toronto Maple leafs. It is that self indulgent a movie.

Mike Myers can make funny films and you can see where traces of humour can be found here but it really is time that he lost a lot of his trademark moments and just found what was funny again. Also he should never be allowed to work with Verne Troyer again. That midget stuff was funny once, for about five minutes in 1999.


MARKS: 2/5.

MUSIC - Adventures of a Thirty One Year Old

Well for the first piece of music on this site I thought I go for this frighteningly apt track from Aimee Mann. I've been thirty one for a week now and it's been a booze soaked affair of fun and longing. Still missing someone important, still writing, still hoping to earn money soon... take it away Aimee!

POETRY - Part One

In Emergency, Break Glass.

In moments of emergency,
You shatter like glass,
Fragmenting and then slicing deep,
Into the skin,
Of the sin bearing
Surrounding mass.

The delicate sound smashing
the deadliness of fragility,
A shard in the eye.
For I amongst many
misjudged,
what I thought,
I could see through.


Drunken Allegiance.

With eyes unfocused and lips wet
with the promise of alcohol,
He swore his allegiance to the frown,
of the gown dressed sweet heart,
he'd drunkenly forgotten,
And lost his footing,
and crashed to the floor,
In more ways than one.

Opening Shout Out To All My Homeys

Hi there. This is my first blog and I won't be using it exclusively for 'Love the Concept' things... though probably a bit...

But can I just plug the fact that my comedy group what I write and act in will be playing the Magner's Big Tickle Comedy festival on the 5Th of September with David O'Doherty and 10Th September with Phil Nichol.

Can't wait but really should crack on with finishing writing the material first of all.