Friday, 30 January 2009

MUSIC - Grunge Is As Grunge Does

Ah, the memories... and will long hair ever fully come back in fashion? Damn you stu... stu... stu studio line! You stuttering bastiches!

MOVIES - Judgement Over ruled

Wow! This is bad... this is really bad. Anyone worried about McG's retconning of the Terminator movies need panic. This is the original ending of Terminator 2: Judgement Day. This is back in the day when all concerned were firing at the top of their game and when the terminator movies weren't a hollow franchise.... and look how badly they could've messed it up even back then! If Cameron could've screwed it up then the guy who directed 'Pretty Fly for a White Guy' stands no chance.

VARIOUS - Magic People, Sexy People

Again thanks to Mr Linehan's site (I will find my own links promise) is a link to a blog spot called 'sexy people.' It's well worth a wander through and makes an enjoyable evenings perusal with a nice cocoa. I can't laugh too much because I'm sure I have a number of pics that could have easily made the grade. Here are some of the many highlights...

Thursday, 29 January 2009

IN MEMORIUM - John Martyn

Wow, what a year for celebrity deaths. Mainly culling from the cult and respected lines; John Updike passed away yesterday and now John Martyn. His solid air album will live on with stoners, hippies and fans of great music forever. Here he is before his declining later years performing the wonderful 'Bless the Weather' from 1978.

COMEDY - Ahead! Blart Factor Five!

'Paul Blart: Mall Cop' is the latest film by Kevin James, of King Of Queens fame, and has been number one for two weeks in America. To say that it looks bad is like saying Paris Hilton may be a tad vacuous. This 'behind the scenes' spoof is probably funnier than the entire movie.

VARIOUS - Doggy Done Stupid Face

The following is a pic from Graham Linehan's 'why isn't that dleightful' blog. It's an image that will stay with you for all time. It's alomst too funny so to combat it I've included the most frightening picture in the world... well, according to 'Look Around You' that is.


MOVIES - Posters, Pics and Bears, Oh My!

The Watchmen movie is eventually making its way to the bug screen properly after what seems like an interminable wait. Everytime they release something new the fevered brow of nerdom develops a few more beads of interest. This pic of silk spectre and the final official poster may just about finish them off.

MUSIC - True true true

When the routine bites hard
And ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
But emotions wont grow
And were changing our ways,
Taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again

Why is the bedroom so cold
Turned away on your side?
Is my timing that flawed,
Our respect run so dry?
Yet theres still this appeal
That weve kept through our lives
Love, love will tear us apart again

Do you cry out in your sleep
All my failings expose?
Get a taste in my mouth
As desperation takes hold
Is it something so good
Just cant function no more?
When love, love will tear us apart again

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

MUSIC - The Wiser One

A spot of Buffalo Tom with the mildly epic 'Wiser.' I say 'mildly' because epic is more a word used to describe Meatloaf videos or stirring power ballads. This packs that same punch without grandiose rubbish.

VARIOUS - And Now For The Classics...

Here's a little bit of Evan Dorkin's Fisher Price Theatre. Quality in a few frames and an important reinterpretation of modern literature.

COMEDY - Who's the boom king?

Oh my god, she's so hot... she's like a curry... I'd like to tell her how hot she is but she might think i'm being sexist. She's so hot, she's making me be sexist... bitch.

Sunday, 25 January 2009

MUSIC - Grrr! I'm Tough Me!

Life has thrown a number of obstacles my way, (I was born tinged ginge for crying out loud, it was never going to be easy). But I'm buckling down and letting off a manly holler as opposed to my feminine yelp.

So put on The Cure, sway in your cardigan and world... hear me now!

Saturday, 24 January 2009

VARIOUS - Great Moments In History

Obama and wife waving goodbye to George W. Ah, bliss...

VARIOUS - And The Nominations Are...

And the Oscar Nominations are in and it looks like it's been a good year for photoshop... tee hee! I love dealing with depression this way!

COMEDY - Edinburgh Or Bust

Starting to apply for this years Edinburgh Fringe Festival. So here's a little bit of coolness from 1999. Ten years ago when the Boosh got nominated for the Perriere Award. Just exciting. If this doesn't make you want to be a part of that scene then... Jesus... i mean... Just Jesus!

MUSIC - Happy Birthday Abby!

Happy birthday Dabby! Today she turns seven, when she was three she loved this song and used to sing 'it's not like we'll be paaaaarrrtttted' so I'm bringing it back. Now she's into Camp Rock and Miley Cyrus (where did it all go wrong?) Love you Abby.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

VARIOUS - Welcome to my world.

My day sucked today. To give you a brief example of how it felt just watch this clip.

ART - Warning May Contain Traces Of Nuts.

Here are some examples of Spencer Tunicks work. He arranges mass nudathons and photographs, huge events in which hundreds of people pose. Some are sheer genius, like the one below in Bruges or the one in Central Station New York. They just work. They're not titillating or cheap. Just large and grand. The two below are of places I've been too; San Sebastian beach and Amsterdam (though getting people in naked in Amsterdam is hardly a stretch).

MUSIC - Coldplay! It Just is! Right?!

Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I would cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get
What I deserved
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I tried to cross
Every door I ever tried was locked
Ohhh and I'm...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

You might be a big fish
In a little pond
Doesn't mean you've won
Cause along may come
A bigger one

And you'll be lost
Every river that you tried to cross
Every gun you ever held went off
Ohhh and I'm...
Just waiting until the firing stopped
Ohhh and I'm...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

Ohhh and I'm...
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off
Ohhh and I'm..
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

WRITING - Scientific Fact!

Sometimes you look back through old files and you find things of great worth and serious import. Othertimes you find things like this from a website I was working on in 2003. All these facts are one hundred percent true... in a way...


• East Berlin is the biggest producer of Turkey Jetters in the world.
• Leviticus (Chp. 12 Vs. 8) features the first recorded reference to “the Internet.”
• The average human head weighs exactly the same as two Dobermans with a squirrel’s noggin resting on top to make the difference.
• Uruguay is the biggest producer of potato waffles in the world.
• People in The Netherlands have no concept of Adam Woodyat.
• Putin’s mother suffered from a rare disease, which made her have to lie on her side every Tuesday. The disease was eventually cured with the aid of specialist shoes and a bag of catguts.
• TV funny man Ricky Gervais was once caught stealing biscuits from the blind.
• It is impossible to cast a shadow in Greenland.
• The Philippines is the biggest producer of Crispy Pancakes in the world.
• In Eastern Asia, Tito is widely regarded in as the most talented of the Jacksons.
• DJ Speedo Mac is the world’s fastest rapper. In 2001 he rapped at a rate that was scientifically recorded as eight words per second. It sounded a bit like a mung going downhill on a rusty bike.
• Linguists have found no plausible way of translating top cartoon ‘The Simpsons’ into Cantonese without deeply insulting the current prime ministers family, in particular his fat goofy wife.
• Bill Tarmey, TV’s Jack Duckworth, plays Jack Duckworth on TV.
• Lebanon is the biggest producer of Chicken Nuggets in the world.
• One in fourteen women suffer a condition known as opti-gratis mio-plaxis, which causes their left eye to pop out a bit further every second Sunday of the month. Many of these ladies suffer in silence and blissful ignorance.
• Terry Nutkins, ex-presenter of The Really Wild Show, has the smallest nipples in the British Isles.
• The best movie of all time is largely regarded as “Police Academy 6: City Under Seige.”

MUSIC - It's a better way to feel...

Here is a little bit of 'Idlewild.' It's 'These Wooden Ideas.' Quite an old track but quite a damn good one.

I bet you don't know how to spell contradiction...

FILM - Somethings Make Your Soul Smile

No matter how stressful life gets... there's always this and you know there is good out there. Press play and warm your cockles.

Monday, 19 January 2009

ART - Blue Monday

Today is technically Blue Monday, the most depressing day of the year and yes it found a way of keeping true to its name. Much better than all of that is the song 'Blue Monday' by New Order. So here are some great classic Factory Records sleeves and posters. Modern design classics many of which by Factory cheif designer Peter Saville.

MUSIC - Sexy avec Dangereux

"This Is Love"

I can't believe life's so complex
When I just wanna' sit here and watch you undress
This is love that I'm feeling
Does it have to be a life full of dread?
I wanna' chase you round the table,
I wanna' touch your head
This is love that I'm feeling
I can't believe that the axis turns on suffering
When you taste so good
I can't believe that the axis turns on suffering
While my head burns
This is love that I'm feeling
Even in the summer, even in the spring
You can never get too much of a wonderful thing
You're the only story that I never told
You're my dirty little secret, wanna' keep you so
Come on out, come on over, help me forget
Keep the walls from falling on me, tumbling in-
This is love that I'm feeling

VARIOUS - 'Still Not The Bees.'

A very funny day in the life of Nicolas Cage. He was in 'Raising Arizona' and 'Adaptation.' Yup, that all seems like such a long time ago. Damn you 'Con Air', you were fun but you set so many bad seeds growing!

Sunday, 18 January 2009

POETRY - Send.

Like a work of Joycean majesty,
It streams from fingers,
to touch pad and beyond.
Instant messages instantly maligned,
barking mismatched calls at the night,
Like a transfixed dog,
howling at it's shadow,
Born of a drunken slump
It slides with a speeding ferocity
And roars into the ears,
but never hearts,
of the distant.
The drunken text,
the midnight shake,
The key pad punch,
With its trail of explanations.
True sentiments are lost
When delivery
Dresses them in tinsel
And not stars.

Peter Davidson 19/01/09

COMEDY - What's Your Song About?

Vague recollections of Saturday night due to copiuos bottles of wine. One thing I do remember was a discussion of this song from 'Shooting Stars.' I almost feel hungover again just recollecting...

VARIOUS - Charlie Brooker Makes Sense.

Charlie Brooker makes a lot of sense. Usually though it's in the shape of nihilistic rants about the collected idiots that TV spews forth for our delight. He's also a sharp dramatist and comedian having penned both Nathan Barley and Dead Set. He doesn't usually comment on love lives and men and women (and the differences therein) but his recent article in the guardian about relationships was frighteningly accurate. Below is an extract. Mr Brooker, I salute you...

"Love can be genuinely awful. Worse than the norovirus on a coach trip. When it goes wrong - and it usually does - it kicks a hole in your ribcage and voids its bowels in your soul. Get burned badly and from that point on, falling in love is like inviting a werewolf into your home: you sit there fascinated, watching it eat at the table and admiring your curtains. You make conversation and share private jokes. But try as you might, you're not quite relaxed and you're not quite yourself; you're on tenterhooks, aware that any moment now it's going to turn round and bite your throat out.

In the face of love's potential destructive fury, you're left with three options. 1) Pull down the emotional shutters and try to avoid it. 2) Find someone you admire or like, rather than love, and try to make do, rendering both of you miserable in the process. Or 3) Throw caution to the wind and gingerly place your fragile, beating heart in the hands of another human being and hope they don't crush it in their fist for giggles. On paper, the first option seems like the only sensible choice.

But gah and damn and blast and argh: it isn't. Not really. To carry it off with any degree of success involves suppressing all vestige of romance, which ultimately atrophies your insides and turns you into either a loner or a bastard, or some maddening, alternating combination of the two. And you can't entirely kill off the romantic impulse. When you're queuing in the supermarket on your lonesome, clutching a basket full of meat and veg, all of which has been carefully weighed and packaged into portions big enough for two apparently just to underline the folly of your isolationist policy, it's hard not to gaze enviously at the couples in front of you, even if they're bickering over a cheap jar of pasta sauce. They might be unhappy, but at least they're united by misery. The rest of us have to pick holes in ourselves. They get to share."

COMEDY - Kids In The Hall

"what's number one in the chartsssaa... bell biv devoe... bell biv devoe"

This is a sketch from 'Kids In The Hall' that even though I only saw once in the mid 90s stuck with me for years and years. Great to see it again and with added 'whole lot of milka.'

LITERATURE - Henry IV Part 1

ACT 1. SC.1


I know you all, and will awhile uphold
The unyoked humour of your idleness:
Yet herein will I imitate the sun,
Who doth permit the base contagious clouds
To smother up his beauty from the world,
That, when he please again to be himself,
Being wanted, he may be more wonder'd at,
By breaking through the foul and ugly mists
Of vapours that did seem to strangle him.
If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work;
But when they seldom come, they wish'd for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.
So, when this loose behavior I throw off
And pay the debt I never promised,
By how much better than my word I am,
By so much shall I falsify men's hopes;
And like bright metal on a sullen ground,
My reformation, glittering o'er my fault,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Than that which hath no foil to set it off.
I'll so offend, to make offence a skill;
Redeeming time when men think least I will.

MUSIC - Monday Morning Comes With A Shout

I was warned that my blog was getting a little bit too singer song writery (though when it comes to that Gemma Hayes video I just don't care). So to redress that balance it doesn't get much more dirty grimy and shouty than this.

No better way to start a monday morning I suppose.

Thursday, 15 January 2009

VARIOUS - Conundrum

My sister Emma near wet herself at my doctored Carol Vorderman pic from a few weeks back. Then whilst looking on the world wide hoojah I came across this classic. So Emma this goes out to you, with the very real possibility it may make you laugh till you parp.

VARIOUS - KAAAAHHHHHHNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday Ricardo Montalban passed away. Granted the guy was 88 years old but it's not been a good year for cult TV actors and we're only in it's second week. First we lost Majel Barrett Roddenberry and then Patrick McGoohan and now "KAAAAAAAHHHHHHNNNN!!!!"

He so rocked the mullet and pecs look though. Puts us all to shame.

MUSIC - Here I Stand Head In Hand...

Thought I'd opt for this one by 'The Beatles.' Easily one of my favourite songs of all time and also one of my earliest memories of getting into good music. I remember seeing 'Help!' in a friends house and just loving this track. I then taped it from one of my dad's records and tried not to let on to my sisters who would beat me for it not being NKOTB or BROS.

Wednesday, 14 January 2009

VARIOUS - The Final Straw.

Right!!! That's it... No more, I swear. Damn this insomnia!

MUSIC - A Quieter Life...

Rather depressing music news from Mr Ryan Adams who is stepping back from the world of music. His career has been eratic, at times jaw droppingly brilliant, highly prolific and has yielded some stone cold classics. Any singer songwriter worth their salt needs to hear 'Heartbreaker' his first album. Even his off cut album "demolition" was a bit of a treasure trove. He seemed to find his feet again with his new band The Cardinals but now...

"Maybe we will play again sometime and maybe I will work my way back into some kind of music situation but this is the time for me to step back now," he wrote.

"This is not much of a life; not glamorous like those ridiculous videos a long time ago television played. And no, it is not monetarily as rewarding as people would like you to believe. And yes, it is soul destroying. Especially when you spend your life trying to write about the really difficult stuff and you stand there losing your way and people yell at you like you were in a circus. When it was your dream to matter and you realise one day, it never mattered - I mean, I am a punchline and a footnote."

He's announced he's quitting the Cardinals in March and stepping back for a quieter life. If you look at this link from an appearance on Letterman singing his best song 'Come Pick Me Up' you can almost see why. Look at this for a garbled 'I don't knwo who the hell you are' opening...

VARIOUS - The Final Days

Quoting Bush-isms is not big or clever, but there's only a few days left so we may as well get what value we can.

“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." October, 2000

"I know that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully." September, 2000

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." May, 2000

"I understand small business growth. I was one." February, 2000

“September the 4th, 2001, I stood in the ruins of the Twin Towers. It's a day I will never forget." October, 2004

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." August, 2004

“They misunderestimated me." November, 2000

COMEDY - Mr Damon Hill

It's always refreshing to follow some poetry with... well, usually anything else at all... so I've decided to go with the Donald and Davey Stott interviewing 'Mr Damon Hill.' Importnat questions being asked and important answers needing to be given.

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

POETRY - Pause To Play

Fingers flick pause to play,
set in motion set emotions,
brings the sting
And heightened flows,
of lost regrets,
the pain you own,
tomorrows victories
not yet played,
future successes
still developing,
future, for her,
for ever finding
what it will bring,
Pause button raised,
raising everything,
questions, fears,
hopes and thoughts
like ghosts,
they vanish,
once the moment is lost.

Peter E Davidson 12/01/09

MUSIC - Illnesses and Ipods

In my still constant state of convalescence all I've really had the ability to do is redraft old scripts and update my ipod. Wow 2009 is fairly action packed so far! In my updating though I stumbled across two old albums by singer songwriter Josh Rouse, the excellent '1972' and the not quite as excellent but still excellent 'Nashville.'

This song is not from either of those but from his album 'Subtitulo' from the year he moved to Spain. Lucky sod.

Monday, 12 January 2009

MUSIC - Attack Of The Female Singer Songwriter

"I've seen your good side but I still don't know just what it is
That you might want
See you've got your own way of moving
And you know you could save me
Save your soul, I'll save some of you
Save my soul, feel like I'm falling fell like I'm falling
And there's a concrete sky
Falling from the trees again and you know now why
It's not coming round too soon, it's harder than a heartbreak too
It's tough enough what love will do"

VARIOUS - There goes my... what the hell?!?

Ah Public Safety Announcements, just as you get over Peewee Herman warning you about crack, He Man and She Ra pop up and warn you about the dangers of kiddy fiddling. Notice that 'Skeletor' was strangely absent. Probably out fiddling some kiddies.

VARIOUS - There goes my plans for the weekend...

Typical, I'm just getting over this flu thing and looking forward to relaxing with a nice bowl of crack and the dvd boxset of 'I Claudius' and then Pee Wee Herman has to go and give me this stark reminder.


Sunday, 11 January 2009

COMICS - Literal Dreams...

I haven't read 'Calvin & Hobbes' in a while but flicking through the net I saw the daily panel and reminded of all it's finery. All copyright and cudos to Bill Waterson. Enjoy.

MUSIC - The Music Vs Looks Debate

I don't have many celebrity crushes. Mainly because they are fairly pointless endeavours. It's like spending all your day dreaming of having a solid gold guitar; an interesting fantasy but it's just never going to happen and it's highly improbable that it'd work.

I do however have an unbearable crush on Gemma Hayes. It doesn't help that I think musically she's quite stunning, with a great voice and great song writing skills. If you watch this video it's very hard not to lightly swoon into your indie cardigan.

Talent is sexy, what can i say. If she was singing brock I'd never have my lil crush.

Saturday, 10 January 2009

VARIOUS - Love The Simpsons, But...

There really are certain times when insomnia is a great breeding ground for invention and whimsy. Then there are the nights where you make Simpson characters out of your friends in your comedy group. Guess what night tonight was? Ah well... it could be worse.

Oh, it just got worse.

COMEDY - Mitchell & Webb & Versatility

Great but deeply depressing sketch from Mitchell & Webb. A great performance from David Mitchell and a fine example of why the first series of the Mitchell & Webb look was so good. Not sure what went wrong with the second series but the first one really set them up as this generations Fry and Laurie.

VARIOUS - Um yum yum nyum yum

"Welcome to Monsterpiece Theatre with me... Alistair Cookie!"
There are many many reasons why Sesame Street is great. This version of the Ken Kesey classic is just one of them. It's all based on a bad pun but it's the very fact that they did is just mah-ve-lous.

PHOTOGRAPHY - New Career Anyone?

Here are some of my rock photography pics. Would love this to be my new career, free gigs plus nice cameras and maybe even the chance of getting paid for something. I got a new camera for Christmas so you never know, success may soon be mine!!!! These photos are taken from a series of different gigs. so below you see Duke Special, Joseph Arthur, Franz Ferdinand and The Editors.

MUSIC - Dirty Dreams For January

Im lucky, 1 can open the door and I can walk down the street
Unlucky, Ive got nowhere to go and so 1 follow my feet

A choice is facing you, a healthy dose of pain
A choice is facing you as you stare through the rain
A choice is facing you but I choose to refrain for today
Tomorrow well be back in trouble again

Dream one, you had a whole lot of fun with a comedian
Stop short of going all the way, youll have to make it someday

Why is this happening to you, youre not a child?
Why is this happening? youve too much on your mind
Things creep up on you when you are fast asleep
You are dreaming, you are sleepy
You are stuck to the sheets

In a town so small theres no escaping you
In a town so small theres no escape from view
In a town so small theres nothing left to do
Intellectual and perspiring
Dirty dream number two

Dream two you couldnt see her face, but you saw everything else
Dream two was pretty special, easily beats loving yourself

Could you put a name to someone elses sigh?
Could you put a face to someone elses eyes?
Is it someone that youd maybe recognise?
But it all fades into morning when you open your eyes

ART - Well, I Like It

These are some paintings by the artist Gary Hume. Hume was one of the YBA who was featured in the famous Saatchi 'Sensation' exhibition. He paints large scenes using gloss paint... but I don't know... I kind of like it. Particularly the first one featured here is pretty damn great. I can already hear people muttering 'Jesus, that's not painting... there's no horses or hills or shit...'

Friday, 9 January 2009

COMEDY - Being Sick Sucks A Donkey

Over two weeks now of being sick, yaay! Going from sick, nauseous, sore head, sore limbs to now a bad cough and spluttering like a farting tractor. This one really is taking the piss unmercilessly. Why can't it have the decency to be all these things at once and get them out of the way so I can get better and disco dance like I was born to do.

MUSIC - Endless Art

This one goes out to Deaglan and Shauna. Howdy!

Thursday, 8 January 2009

MUSIC - "I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches"

Sheer brilliance on such a sickening level that this was actually just released as B side. One of the best things they ever did. Still stunning today.

I want to
I want to be someone else or I'll explode
Floating upon this surface for the birds
The birds
The birds

You want me?
Fucking well come and find me
I'll be waiting
With a gun and a pack of sandwiches
And nothing

You want me?
Well come on and break the door down
You want me?
Fucking come on and break the door down
I'm ready
I'm ready
I'm ready
I'm ready
I'm ready
I'm ready

VARIOUS - The Force Is With You Always

There are some days when you are as cool as you imagine. As to whether this is one of those days is not in my hands to say.

Wednesday, 7 January 2009

COMEDY - GLorious Article From 'The Onion 2056.'


By David Strenhorn

When robots started to become commonplace, Congress, in its great wisdom, mandated that every robot be hardwired with the Three Laws Of Robotics. For decades, these three basic rules have maintained class order in our society and kept the number of robot-caused deaths to a minimum. We all know these three laws:

1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
That certainly makes sense. No one wants a gore-bot to twist someone into a pretzel or stand aside and watch a human get hit by a Greyhound Shuttle.

2. A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings, except when such orders would conflict with the First Law.
This, too, makes sense. Robots are manufactured to perform the actions requested by their owners. If we didn't want that, we'd all buy SteveJobsbots.

3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Uh, hello? A robot is a big investment. It only makes sense to protect humans from possible protocol violations. We can't have every robot who doesn't like his assigned duties throwing himself off the Golden Gate Overpass, can we?

Frankly, I'd be happy if these three rules were all that was necessary to ensure happy robot-human coexistence. Unfortunately, there's been a huge oversight. There's nothing in those laws to keep those machines out of my wife's coochie!?

I'm not asking that we draft a law to prevent robots from manually stimulating with owner consent. If people want their wives fingered by their bots, that's fine. I wasn't born yesterday. To each his own. I'm not asking you to forbid robots from fingering every wife, just mine.?
Sure, I can tell the robots from the neighborhood, "Hey, don't finger my wife!" and, under the Second Law Of Robotics, they'd have to comply. But what about the thousands of robots I've never met? The moment my back is turned, odds are my wife's going to get robo-fingered. It doesn't matter if the robot doesn't have fingers—she'll find some sorta antenna, spring, or crankshaft, and—boom—that robot will get her off.?

Here's something I don't understand: We can develop a robot sturdy enough to mine the Saturnine moon Enceladus, strong enough to withstand the fierce ionic winds and burst through the 40 meters of scorched onyx that covers the planet, and smart enough to collect the vital crystals from amidst all the worthless rock, but the designers at USR labs can't figure out how to stop them from finger-banging my wife??

Do robotics engineers have any idea how much it breaks my heart to know that my wife's vulva has been probed by hundreds of metal phalanges? Are they trying to ruin my marriage?!
Good people at USR Labs, I urge you: Add a fourth item of protocol to the programming that guides the models in your next rollout. I want these automatons to get it into their intricate positronic brains that some parts of the human body are off limits, no matter how much human women plead. I, as well as thousands of other husbands around the world, would greatly appreciate it.

POETRY - Tear the SIlence.

Scraped throats mute garbled voices,
as cough rips silence
to shreds.

how can you speak clearly
when there is so much to shout?

Internal shakes
scream at the structure of our bones,
scorched coughs
tear hearts from their moorings,
Numbed silence
Born of pain
Makes all the wrong sounds.
Makes too big a noise.

Gently stare forward
saying a million things at once
whilst your body
betrays those thoughts
Once again.

P Davidson 09/01/09

(Picture - Francis Bacon - Study for a portrait)

MUSIC - One To Learn

I caught you knocking at my cellar door,
G/B Gm/Bb
I love you, baby, can I have some more?
C F Esus4 E
Oh the damage done.

I hit the city and I lost my band,
I watched the needle take another man,
Gone, gone, the damage done.

I sing the song because I love the man,
I know that some of you don't understand;
milk-blood to keep from runnin' out.

I've seen The Needle And The Damage Done,
A little part of it in everyone,
But every junkie's like a settin' sun.

D D/C G/B Gm/Bb

MOVIES - Woodsy Alvin

You've got to love Woody Allen, particularly when (according to the rumours) he's started making good films again. 'Vicky Christina Barcelona' is coming out here soon on a wave of positive press (Compare that to the drubbing 'Cassandra's Dream' got and its nothing short of a miracle). He's currently back to his New York thing shooting a film starring Larry David and if anyone can fall into Woody's style and reinvigorate him with a healthy dose of swearing then it's the 'Curb' and 'Seinfeld' creator. Plus how good does LD look in shorts!

MOVIES - That's 2008 out of the way...

The Best Films of 2008

I'm thinking of getting back into the world of movie journalism after taking a few months off (yep, I start to study journalism and write less articles than I have at any other time in my life). What I never got a chance to do was to print my list of best films of 2008, a kind of academic pat on the back for the dross on a stick I've had to sit through.

So I'm going to do my run down now just because I can;

1) WALL-E.
Hardly any dialogue and just a smattering of show tunes and your faith in true love is restored in the sweetest heart warming film of the year.

Monster movie meets 'Blair Witch' except that something actually happens and there is a whiff of big budget. An all new yet old fashioned thrill ride that cinemas were invented for. Plus I really fancied the girl who blows up.

Not the master piece any people have said (it's too long, the boat scenes a little unnecessary and Christian Bale needs to stop with the Honey Monster impression). But having said that Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckhart are as excellent as everyone says. As per usual the Bat is shadowed by co-star greatness.

Bright, breezy and chock full of Robert Downey Jnr's charm. The most easily accessible pure entertainment blockbuster of the summer. Some may regard this a little throw away but it's extremely difficult to execute a film with such ease (look at the litany of other failed box office fair).

Yes, yes, yes and with extra helpings of yes. A sweet and loving tale with extra helpings of charm, invention and love of cinema. It helps that it's got Adam Buxton in it too and the brilliant french foreign exchange student Didier. Garth Jennings was back (And I still love his version of 'Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy' and anyone who says differently is wrong).

Colin FArrell is deeply watchable, that's right Colin Farrell is deeply watchable in this film from Irish playwright turned movie maker Martin McDonagh. It's the non pc treat of the year as half the cast of Harry Potter chase each other round the picaresque Bruges, swearing and blinding like troopers. Colin Farrell has never been better. Never.

Sometimes it's hard to remember the raft of great films that came out in the wake of last years award season. January and February are always littered with so much that they often seem a distant memory come the end of the year. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp excelled (again) with their take on the Stephen Sondheim musical which had me singing 'I will have vengeance... I will have salvation' in a Bowie-esque style for many a month.

The Coen's were back in 2008 with a double whammy. They picked up award after award for 'No Country For Old Men' but it was their return to mental nihilism and great named characters in 'Burn After Reading' which I really enjoyed. It's a film that takes a while to settle as you try and work out what sort of Coen's movie it is. And just when you've got a handle on it it ends with the greatest 'what was the fucking point of that?' scenes in cinematic history.

Will Ferrell reteamed with Adam McKay but seemed to get swept away in the tide of 'Tropic Thunder' and 'Pineapple Express.' It was a very good summer for big screen comedy but I'm putting 'Step Brothers' in here because it deserved a better response and also proved once more how great a comedic talent John C Reilly is. Plus any film that has 'an 80s only Billy Joel tribute band' can't be bad.

10) JUNO.
Heart warming, breaking, funny film with great soundtrack (Belle & Sebastian, Moldy Peaches, Sonic Youth etc). All mixed in with the fear of so many guys my age that we will grow into Jason Bateman's character.

COMEDY - The Only Good Folk Singer Is...

...a comedy folk singer. The rest reek of hemp and pretension. Not washing and an ability to pluck 'E minor' does not a genius make.

MUSIC - She Gotta TV Eye on me!!!!!!!!

The body of Stooges guitarist Ron Asheton was found today in his home in Ann Arbor at age 60.

Asheton was one of those guitarists who made you want to pick up a fender, turn it all the way up and batter the hell out of it. He's the guy behind the great riffs of 'I Wanna Be Your Dog, 'No Fun' 'Raw Power' and 'TV Eye.'

So plectrum raised and distortion switched on, Mr Asheton this goes out to you...