WRITING - Scene from 'Stilted.'

I'm currently redrafting an old script called 'Stilted' to send to my agent whilst I build up the muster to crack on with the new Vespertine episode (also have three other ideas plotted and ready called 'Inches,' Tiny Destiny' and 'Rebound' as well as that film script I really want to write. Anyway this is a snippet from it and a bit I am very much proud of. It's to do with charity collectors and their tactics

TINA:
Excuse me; do you have a moment or two? It’s for a good cause.

DARREN:
Oh Lord…

TINA:
Hi, I’m a very pretty woman and I have very willing eyes… would you like to give all your money to charity?

DARREN:

I’m not sure…

TINA:
It’s a good cause, a simple direct debit and in next to no time midgets in Kwalalumpa will be having the time of their tiny lives…

DARREN:
(Confused) Midgets in…

TINA:
I’m a very pretty woman.

DARREN:
Well, you’re certainly… yes…

TINA:
Would you like to give all your money to charity to try and impress me?

DARREN:
This is very…

TINA:
I have a piercing.

DARREN:
The midgets… in…

TINA:
Kwalalumpa.

DARREN:
Kwalalumpa, yes, what will they get exactly…?

TINA:
A trampoline. I’m a very pretty woman.

DARREN:
But…

TINA:
I can use words like ‘undulating.’

DARREN:
(Turned on) That’s a big word.

TINA:
Would you like to give me all your money? I have a pink bra under my cagoule.

(Pause).

DARREN:
Will… credit card do?